


what makes someone hurt? (love)

by theskyistoofar



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Pining, and absolute stupidity, and i don't know how to end it, and they were ROOMMATES, crushes are not good for the soul, i say one shot but it's more like a whole rollercoaster, it doesn't even make sense, oh the yearning, singji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 09:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30019800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theskyistoofar/pseuds/theskyistoofar
Summary: Siyeon wishes their university offered a class on 'How To Efficiently Cure Crushes' (especially when they're on your best friend).It's fun, at first, but that was only the beginning. She can only pretend to be oblivious, for so long.(in which siyeon lives in guilt and pretends she isn't getting her heart broken every time minji looks over at her fondly, a.k.a the struggles of a crush when they're your roommate and best friend, a.k.a heartache Central and then bliss, a.k.a the author is going Through It w/ singji.)(also in which Minji realises her affectionate nature with Siyeon had underlying reasons.)
Relationships: Kim Minji | JiU/Lee Siyeon
Comments: 10
Kudos: 65





	what makes someone hurt? (love)

**Author's Note:**

> yes i should be studying for exams. yes i wrote this at like 2am, and yes it's a complete mess of words somehow being a one-shot. and i have no idea how it reached 15k words.
> 
> rated for language.

It all started when Siyeon realised she quite literally hated the scene in front of her.

They occupied the open lounge room, one of those that the college had undertaken to build for the dormitory over the break - so that people stopped flocking in packs into small rooms and breaking things during birthdays or impromptu parties.

It had two couches and a few chairs that looked freshly made. Well, they won't be for long. Students here were vultures and especially if offered something new, shiny and classy. It would probably be torn and smell like ramen in a few days.

There were a few thick wooden windows on the plain white walls - nothing too fancy for college - closed, since it was already night. 

Siyeon had reached campus late, and with the semester only starting tomorrow, most of the students would come back later than usual. Luckily, the administration had thought of it all, and attached lights in the room too, but somehow they’d forgotten fans, like the students weren’t really meant to stay here long. One of the circular lights, already flickering because of the previous students. Oh well, that wouldn't be getting fixed, ever.

She'd seen the texts asking her to come meet them at the new lounge; since they wouldn't have time to really gather all together later on. Sleep was important, no matter how little you got.

Her teeth were clenched, almost in anger, but more so frustration. It shouldn't have been, this was just Bora being herself and Minji sitting next to her.

It was just Minji and Bora. They were always like this.

So why was she standing a few metres in front of them, about to blow her head off in jealousy? 

The feeling was not new to her. Jealousy, she’d felt in different aspects of life. In the midst of her friends, though? This was a first.

Maybe, it was because she hadn't seen either of them in two weeks - they had all gone back home for their winter holidays, and the first thing she's greeted with; the sight of two of her best friends being annoying.

Correction, they weren't being annoying. No, they were just being friends. Right? Friends - like how Bora was impossibly close to Minji, and had her arms and legs completely wrapped around her, sitting on one of the long couches. 

The sight would have been funny, because Bora was tiny as they come, and somehow completely covered herself around Minji - one of the tallest. They were giggling away, and Minji looked happy being surrounded with physical touch. 

Over the break, Siyeon realised how much she actually enjoyed the silent company of her friends. 

Even if they weren't doing anything, the presence - although it got annoying at times, when she just wanted privacy to laugh without hurting people's business - her friends and their endless torturing, were definitely more than welcome, after the fortnight she'd spent without them.

Her friends. Like how Minji was looking at Bora, as if they hadn't met for years. 

As if, the two hadn't constantly blown up the group chat over the holidays, solely for stupid play-fights and inside jokes no one else had a part in. 

Minji had sent a new dad-joke every other day, screenshotted and horribly cropped and Bora didn't pass up the opportunity to completely bury her into the ground.

Even when the rest of their friends had replied teasingly, saying they probably missed each other too much - they didn't stop. No one could stop Bora. 

Oh, how they were having fun and laughing about something she didn't really understand. Without her. Was that really the reason this felt bitter? 

Siyeon didn't normally act like this. She had her fair share of quiet moments, choosing to listen instead of actively participating. 

Right now - she guessed - was just one of those times, where she didn't know how to inject into the already heated conversation.

These two were the oldest, but for some reason Minji turned into an absolute child around people she was close with. The same went for Bora, obviously.

Then Yoohyeon said something, and Siyeon shouldn't have felt the way she just did.

"What on Earth is this? Are you two dating?"

The two found this hilarious, and Yoohyeon, herself, didn't even mean it seriously like Siyeon had taken it. She didn't know why her stomach had just done a complete three-sixty degree turn.

"Why? Are you jealous?" Minji asked, the ghost of a smirk on her lips and her eyebrows doing the flirtatious wave.

At the same time, Bora replied "Yes," looking at Minji, with what was (hopefully fake) heart-eyes, like she didn't even have to really put effort into a lie.

Was it a lie? It had to be - they had always joked like this, and besides, this was Minji and Bora. They were just that close. She didn't understand why it even mattered to her. 

Siyeon couldn't bring herself to say anything. And so she laughed awkwardly, pretending to go along with the joke. Why were her knuckles white, and her fists in a forceful grip on the chair she stood behind? 

Yoohyeon would notice, and look up with a confused smile at her, from the same chair, hearing the sound of fake leather contracting behind her ears, but said nothing.

She recognised the feeling. But in a state of plausible deniability, she chalked it up to being her own 'clingy' self - wanting to be a part of the joke. 

(She hoped it was a joke. It made her queasy.)

Bora made a funny face after, pretending to be disgusted, at even the thought of her and Minji - but she didn't catch it.

Siyeon was too caught up in her own brain thinking 'What the hell is going on with me?' and other small questions about why she wanted to crush a pillow in frustration - to even notice anything else in the room.

Then, Minji laughed, unabashedly - and Siyeon felt her own smile coming on, staring - lost at how her eyes got smaller and seemed to convey pure happiness, her lips curved into the prettiest smile, and her nose all scrunched up, how her eyebrows drew itself around her crescent eyes-

_Oh._

_Oh no._

Before she could let it become a tangible thought, she forced herself to take part in the conversation, and cleared her throat loudly. There was no way it was what she was thinking. No way.

The smile removed itself from her face, almost comically. 

"Get a room, you two," Siyeon chose to tease them.

Minji had ducked her face into the couch, hands covering her smile. 

If Siyeon didn't have a brain - and self control - she would've pulled Minji’s hands off just to see it better. So much for pretending it wasn’t a real feeling.

As Siyeon stood in front of the two - she realised she actually didn't have self-control. How did she even walk all the way here without noticing?

Bora looked at her quizzically, questioning her with just her gaze, her arms slowly losing the strong hold over the girl next to her.

Coincidentally, Minji had finished laughing - and found Siyeon standing like a video-game character in front of her, waiting for a move to be made. Only, she had no idea what to do. She hadn't even meant to walk all the way over.

Thankfully, without saying a word, Minji placed her hand in Siyeon's, and interlaced it with one hand, thinking she must've wanted something of the sort. She moved over a little to give Siyeon some space to sit, and patted the spot next to her but she chose to keep standing. 

“Hey, you’re wearing the sweater!” Minji remarked.

Siyeon had chosen to wear the grey crew neck sweater that she’d gotten as a gift, since it was cold - the weather was still acting like a child and throwing tantrums, and it would take a while for it to become sufficiently comfortable without having to bundle up. Plus, this was comfy and oversized - just like she liked it.

Thankfully, the students had barred the brunt of winter at home in the comfort of warm blankets and heaters, not having to attend classes while it snowed.

She hadn’t gotten the chance to wear it in front of Minji, but there’s always a first time. It happened to be today. Siyeon had worn it over the holidays quite a bit, because it felt like a warm hug from a certain gentle giant.

(She was definitely not wearing it because it reminded her of Minji, and especially not because it kind of smelled like her perfume no matter how many times she washed it.)

Throughout the few years of knowing each other - if there's one thing Minji understood about her, it was when she felt the incomprehensible need to pinch someone or somehow, be close to them. Yoohyeon and her shared this habit, and Minji was in the middle of it always. She actually did confess to enjoying it, but normally waited for someone to initiate before they’d fuse at the limbs like glue. 

It must've looked like she wanted physical intimacy - because Minji had also taken Siyeon's fingers and started pseudo-pinching herself. Siyeon would've laughed, but the horrible feeling was getting impossible to ignore.

Siyeon stopped herself immediately - riddled with guilt. Everything felt wrong. She wasn't allowed to feel like this, was she?

This was Minji. Minji, her best friend. The 'Minji' that she'd shared her blanket with when it got too cold in the night and their stupid dorm heater refused to work, the same girl that had slept in the bed next to her for the entirety of her first college year.

Why was she feeling like this, and why now? 

With too many questions on her mind, and too much confusion - she didn't get to enjoy the small reunion of her friends - who apparently had entered the room, while she stood next to the couch, pondering on the sudden dilemma. 

They were being quiet, out of consideration for the rest of the students in the room, but came into sub groups, all of them getting a long hug from each other.

Siyeon had actually looked forward to coming back and meeting her friends (note: Minji) again, and after a long break where they only had the contact of texts, and short voice messages - it felt all the more fulfilling to see them in person.

With all seven of them gathered in the small dorm - along with a few others they didn’t know off in the corner - they began the age-old method of bragging about their shenanigans over their break. 

Bora nudged Minji a bit and gave space for Gahyeon to come into the middle, showing off the contents of her phone like a new born baby.

Gahyeon made sure everyone saw the video of her making the 'coolest-snow-woman-till-date' which was basically the most unattractive bunch of snow, somehow standing upright together. It had a pink bra on the front - no doubt one of her great ideas - and her old tattered blue dress, saved only for this occasion, but didn't have a nose. It did, however, have a creepy smile made in thick red thread.

It looked like something out of a horror movie mixed with Barbie, if it was rated for adults. Gahyeon stood next to it with a big smile, absolutely embarrassed - alike the one she was sporting now. 

Everyone immediately remarked about the undergarments, saying they were too big or something of the sort, and all the tension in Siyeon’s body, faded slowly at the easy atmosphere.

Then, a few photos of her getting absolutely smacked with a snowball on her face, because of her cousins who had come over. She was competitive, but didn’t win.

It ended well into the night, and her previous feelings felt muffled in all the bright laughter she'd just gone through. This really was undefeated. A top ten moment in life, if she'd have to choose. Surrounded by people who chose to be around each other, was a rare happy, in a world of unfortunate circumstances.

But Siyeon knew, either she had to keep this secret tucked away forever, or it was going to bubble out of her one day and ruin everything. And she was definitely, not allowing that to happen.

.  
.  
.

The more she saw Minji, the more she realised how her heart skipped a little every time. 

She felt the excitement whenever she realised that when she opened her door, Minji had a fifty-fifty possibility of being on the other side of it. Or that she could just bump into her in the huge campus.

It got her giddy - like a present, waiting after every long, boring lecture.

This meant more often than not, that disappointment arose when she didn't get to see Minji turn to her in cute round glasses, posted at her study desk with a soft smile as a greeting.

Siyeon couldn't bear with it. On one side, there was no reason to let herself get out of hand with this. The logical, reasonable, obvious thing - was to put an end to this before it festered.

On the other, it was fun. It was the most happy she had felt in a while. While most college days had some entertainment - they were jam-packed into a few days spread over the years and the rest of it being something she could hardly remember. 

This, however, gave her something to smile about, the very second she woke up, and something to let herself dream the possibilities of, into the night. It was kind of like a hobby. A very unethical one, at that, she thought. 

It didn't feel right, though. She was in two minds - this was Minji, and dreaming of even innocent things felt like a violation of their friendship. 

Minji trusted her. But she was also the reason Siyeon was currently losing her mind.

So maybe, she'd let herself sigh happily in retaliation, thinking of when Minji said something about Siyeon being 'the best roommate ever' and her other little compliments that no longer went unnoticed. 

She had only left the light on while she tried to fall asleep, one of her pet peeves, but Minji didn’t have to know that, for the older girl to return safely without bumping into anything lying about on the floor.

She was sure - if there'd come a point and it was getting too much, she could put an end to it. Full stop - right then and there, and the feelings would turn off like a switch. For now though, a little bit of fun wouldn't hurt.

In the back of her mind though, she knew she was blatantly lying to herself. There was no getting out of this. But the false sense of confidence made her feel like she could conquer it anyway.

She heard the door open slightly, and a few hushed voices. 

It was Minji. Who else even came to their room? They were always the ones barging into the others’, and this had been marked the safe haven for peace and quiet.

At the thought of her, Siyeon's brain full-out started manufacturing exclamation marks and alarm sounds. And sure, there was Yoohyeon too.

(She loved Yoohyeon to death, but right now, the excessive serotonin was Minji's fault.)

Pretending to be asleep on her desk, she didn't move a muscle - although her ears perked up to listen. Was she really being reduced to eavesdropping? She didn’t even need to. But, her brain did throw away all common sense.

She heard the door close softly, and someone stepped a bit closer to her.

"Aw, she fell asleep," Minji cooed, fixing Siyeon's hair a little, after examining the scene. 

God, she was adorable. It was just her voice, and here she was, a complete puddle.

'Stop being adorable, Minji.' Siyeon mused, defeatedly. She could only hold in the admiration so much.

Siyeon didn't exactly have her heart thrashing, because it wasn't at the point yet. This crush, that she would never admit to, was barely in its starting stages. There would come a time for that, soon.

Her fingertips though, flowed with adrenaline. Right now, she was acting like she's got a wedding planned, whereas they'd barely talked after coming back.

She just liked being around Minji. Especially if she had her attention. Most especially, if she could at least spare a few glances secretly. 

"She looks like she's angry." Yoohyeon noted with a half-giggle, looking at the crease in Siyeon's eyebrows.

Siyeon had no idea what to do. It was getting progressively more difficult to pretend she was asleep, and the natural 'smile when you're lying' was fighting to come out.

Deciding to let go of the useless act - plus, Yoohyeon was probably catching on, she woke up lightly and fake-yawned.

Since the two had been looking at her, they yawned too, giggling afterward.

"Had a good nap?"

"Hmm? Oh. Yeah." 

Right. She forgot that, the more often she thought about this whole debacle, the more awkward they'd gotten in conversing. She didn't know what to say anymore, without every sentence making her feel like a fool.

Somehow, it was also like Siyeon was lying blatantly to the older girl. She didn't enjoy that at all. 

Neither could she really get over it, nor could she really tell her what she was dealing with either. 

(That was never going to happen. Ever.)

They sat down, Yoohyeon on her bed, and Minji on the desk chair, opening their laptops. Apparently, they had a project to do together - God knows how Yoohyeon ended up in ‘Advanced Engineering Fluid Theory’ with Minji, but she guessed they'd taken it together. 

And that was it. The conversation didn't go on, Yoohyeon had just given her a nod of acknowledgement, and left Siyeon to her own devices - showing Minji a tabular column she'd made on her laptop.

Siyeon got up, and tried to do anything but focus on them. She had her own work to do, and the time she spent daydreaming about hand-holding and the sort, wasn't helping her schedule.

What would help though, would be to bury herself in college, and study. Less time to focus on Minji's stupidly pretty face.

The funniest thing was, she'd always thought Minji was pretty. Those were literally Siyeon’s first words to her. How confident that Siyeon was, and how weird it would be for her to see the Siyeon she is now - a mumbling mess in front of the same girl.

Still, a year later - she develops these feelings, as if they'd come barging out of a slasher film in the form of a jump scare.

Siyeon didn’t get far with studying. It wasn’t the best idea, and it was more boring than letting the mind wander into uncharted territory - ‘What ifs’ and stupid scenarios she wouldn’t be caught dead saying aloud. 

A few YouTube videos later, she found herself clicking on anything to keep her brain from shifting to the unwelcome topic. But then, one of the recommended videos had to do with ‘Types of Love’ and she struggled to stop herself. Sometimes these devices really read her mind. 

(Or didn't care for customer privacy, but oh well.)

She’d had this inconsolable pride that she could control herself whenever need be. For the last few days, she’d been failing at it miserably. She could study later.

Angling her laptop away from the two, down the rabbit hole she went - and now all the videos on the right were about the same topic. But she probably couldn’t tell you anything of use, at all. These videos were not exactly the most informative, but it just felt better to read the comments of people going through their own little love stories, on the other side of the world. 

She’d read the whole conversation, spanning a hundred replies to the same comment - one that struck a chord with her. There were a few people giving advice, a few offering condolences and sharing the same experience, and the emotions bubbled up, almost reducing her to tears.

No matter where humans were and what they did, there were a few things most of them had in common - singing, dancing, and love. Oh, and of course, their obscure sorrows. 

Most of the advice was just to wait out the waves of yearning. ‘It’ll pass,’ they said. Best not to ruin the friendship, but then, some wanted the commenter to take the leap and go for it. How could anyone expect that? 

From people who knew nothing of the situation but the one-sided perspective, it was cruel to offer the hope of ‘maybes’ and confidence, that the other person could even remotely feel the same way. The trainwreck afterward, would only hurt the commenter. She understood where the sympathy came from, though.

So, she kept her sanity enough to know, not to allow herself to get tangled up in these affairs and allow herself to get her expectations up.

Yesterday, Siyeon had tried to test the waters, ‘playfully’ flirting - but it didn’t go anywhere. Minji saw her as a friend, a ‘kid’, and nothing more.

She even stooped to making a joke she knew Minji would love. (But Siyeon secretly loved these too.)

“You know what that shirt looks like it’s made of? Girlfriend material.” 

It was short, and for a second, she could’ve sworn Minji looked at her weirdly - but that was her mind playing tricks on her, seeing what it hoped to see.

“That’s my kind of joke,” she said, laughing.

Later on, she was sitting next to her, asking to use the grey sweater of hers. ‘Girlfriend material’ was apparently good at keeping you warm, she explained with a mischievous glint and playful smile.

Technically, it was Minji’s birthday gift to her, but the only thing that made it better was when she decided to lend it to the same girl, so that the scent remained. 

(That thought felt creepy to Siyeon, and made her feel like flinching everytime she tried to let it go. Where should she draw the line?)

She could get through this. No matter how long it would take, she was going to keep her mouth shut and her feelings locked, inside a chest covered with a hundred chains. No one else was to ever know. 

Not to mention, if it didn’t go away soon, she saw the possibility of this, ruining them anyway. How horrible would it feel, if all the little (overanalyzed) interactions on Siyeon’s end, were muddled because she had the smallest, most inconsequential crush? 

Slowly it would get even worse, and the awkwardness would spread - and Siyeon would have to distance herself away from Minji to stop leading herself on.

Siyeon didn’t want that. If the prospect of this crush hurt her right now like this, she didn’t want to even think about how bad it would hurt, to physically restrain herself from talking to Minji. She saw her everyday, for crying out loud. 

It'll pass. It has to.

.  
.  
.

If in the beginning she was pretending to be oblivious, and repressing it - her brain certainly noted it down. Whenever Siyeon wanted to leave something abstract - she would, without fail, have a dream about it within the same week.

That’s why, it was currently the middle of the night, and here she was, awake with the lingering happiness from a parallel world. If only.

A few stills from the dream stood out - but the rest of it was already forgotten. A shame, really, it was the best thing her brain had come up with in a long, long time. Obviously, she wasn’t exactly handling the situation as well as she thought, and her subconscious was calling her out for it, demanding her audience.

Siyeon shifted in her bed, trying to get comfortable again. Maybe, if she got back to sleep quick enough, the dream would continue and she could happily stay in the world where it didn’t make her feel this remorseful, for even thinking about Minji this way. 

Unknowingly, she let out a noise, somewhere between pain and whining when she felt the drowsiness fade away, without realising Minji was not asleep at all.

“Hmm?” Minji inquired gently, “Siyeonie, are you awake?” 

Siyeon almost flinched, begging herself to be normal. The highs of the dream were still clouding her mind, and she hoped her voice didn’t waver. How was she already nervous?

Siyeon cleared her throat, feeling it go dry. “What’s up?” 

“I can’t sleep. I spent too long looking at my phone and now my head hurts.” If Siyeon could fight a piece of technology, she would. But it was probably better to not break Minji’s phone. 

Aw. In the dark, she couldn’t quite make out anything except the figure of Minji covered in a fluffy blanket, but from the tone of her voice, she was definitely pouting. Damnit.

“Did you have a nightmare or...?” she asked quietly.

Siyeon kept quiet. This was the longest conversation she’d had with her in a while, and to savour it, paused and allowed her words to linger.

She propped her head up on her hand, fully turning towards the older girl - offering sympathy. “Ah, I just...felt uncomfortable, I guess.”

Minji hummed in affirmation, and was silent before awkwardly requesting, “Can you sing to me? It’s been so long.”

First of all, fuck. She hadn’t sung in a while and her throat was not in top-notch condition currently. To top it all off, this was the worst scene - her crush, of all people, asking her to do this, late night in bed. 

It was almost the perfect romantic set up, and this sent a shot of panic right to the tips of her toes.

Second of all, Siyeon would never turn down Minji’s requests. So what if she thought she was going to sound completely off tune?

(Well, it did matter. Siyeon cared what Minji thought of her.) 

She tries to pretend she’s not putting all her soul into this song, but it was quite literally impossible. If a performance was what she wanted, it was what she would get. And the song was totally not a way of confessing her feelings, without confessing her feelings. No, nothing of that sort.

It surely had been a while, and she struggled with the higher notes because she was lying down and it was so uncomfortable - but it didn’t make a difference to Minji. 

Siyeon’s voice was normally powerful, but the way she was singing now quietly - like only Minji was allowed to hear - was too special to ignore.

She hummed the ending melody, trying to end it gracefully, and glanced over at the one-woman audience.

“More!” the girl pleaded, and so Siyeon had to comply. 

By the end of the impromptu concert, Minji is softly clapping trying not to make sudden loud sounds, trying to show appreciation nonetheless. It didn’t put her to sleep, but she had the softest expression on her face. 

“Was I good?” 

“Of course. You're incredible.” Minji paused after, thinking a bit to herself. She put her hand up, her long fingers clenched tight, and asked “Did someone break your heart or what? Who do I need to beat up?”

Suddenly the picture of Minji - big, cuddly Minji trying to rough someone up came into mind, and Siyeon’s shy laughter rang through. She couldn’t even hit Bora - without a million retaliations and whining in pain, so it was definitely out of the question. 

“I’m serious. I won’t let someone hurt my Siyeonie and get away with it.”

Minji just says things like that without knowing the repercussions. It brought back the emotions to the surface. Minji was willing - although she’d lose shamefully - to do that for her. 

Part of the reason she was even having to deal with all of this, was because of how much Minji cared for the people around her. Not only that, but ‘my Siyeonie’ was making her blood pressure shoot up. 

She really had no idea what she was doing to her, huh?

Siyeon was half tempted to just reply ‘you’, and see where that would take them. 

Her heart wrung in pain at the thought. How long was she supposed to keep this at bay? Would she really be able to shut up about it, when she had all the words begging to be said, stayed at the tip of her tongue all the time? 

The dream had solidified all these thoughts. Maybe Minji didn’t appreciate being thought of, like this. Maybe this was completely unjustified, and if she knew, she would hate Siyeon. Maybe she needed to let go already.

“It’s just a song,” Siyeon tried to shrug but she looked like a wiggling worm, “plus I can’t exactly sing Red Flavour when you’re trying to go to sleep, right?” 

Pride came from being able to make Minji laugh. Sure, she laughed at anything and everything, but still, this was Siyeon’s doing and for a second, she was fine with all the suffering she’d gone through so far.

“Thank you, Siyeon.” Minji said with a fond look. “I’m glad it’s you.” 

Well, what the hell does that mean? Was this some Minji-coded way of saying ‘Hey! Look! I also like you!’ or was this her very common way of being tenderly affectionate?

This would drive Siyeon crazy for at least a week.

“I’m glad you’re my roommate, I mean,” Minji said after, and Siyeon could almost, just almost, lie and convince herself, she had meant something else.

She waited a while, trying to gulp down all the anxiety swimming in every inch of her chest. She didn’t know how to reply to that. So, she let it go. 

"Now, your turn."

The world worked in mysterious ways. When they'd first gotten to know each other, sure there was a small 'I did choir back in school,' and short exchanges of what childhood was like for both of them, but they'd only realised the other could sing because Minji, for one, loved to hum with her earphones in.

Sometimes she'd have them on, and they'd get stuck on the edge of Siyeon's extravagant keychain and Minji would cry out loud in pain - not only because it was forcefully ripped out of her ears, but because she had really wanted to sing that very part. And she was good. More so than what she'd expected. Funny that they'd end up - out of all people - both talented, and so alike, as roommates in the end. 

Siyeon, on the other hand, had shown Minji pictures of her trophies from when she used to really care - singing was fun, but it was only a side talent. She didn't pursue it even though everyone around her told her she'd make it without a doubt.

Minji sat up a little, preparing herself - like she was about to give the performance of her life. 

And then she sang the first few lines in the chorus of Red Flavour with a horrible tone, and Siyeon understood in that second, why she was completely infatuated with her.

They laughed - Minji defending that she couldn’t possibly go, after Siyeon’s performance.

Siyeon didn't forget to say she owed her ‘a real song session later’. Minji accepted, yawning finally.

With her job done, they quietened until there was only the sound of Minji softly breathing from a few metres away.

Every day ended with the same thoughts. Should she wait for something that will never happen, and live in agony? Or was the better option to distance herself, make sure she got the pieces of herself back together and then continue to be friends? 

No, it would only hurt both of them. She didn’t have the heart to alienate herself nor the courage to hurt more than she already was - and it would make it so damn awkward, when they would inevitably have to talk again. They were in the same friend group, and most importantly, lived and slept in the same room.

Irritated, she was bitter at everything, trying to go back to sleep. There was no good choice. There never was, when it came to choosing who to hurt - herself, or someone she cared for, deeply.

(She also knew in the back of her mind, there was only more pain coming, and maybe the only way she’d get through it, is the hope that Minji was waiting on the other end.)

.  
.  
.

The worst thing was when Siyeon realised they were drifting apart. Slowly, but surely.

She meant for it to happen to an extent - she had to do it before she lost her mind - but it still felt like her heart was a wet cloth, being twisted and wrung at the hands of someone beyond her reach. Even if the goal was to start the process of healing - it had to hurt first. A lot.

Sadly, it was the way life was crafted. 

She wanted to yell. Run off into a forest, and yell for an hour, and then maybe her chest wouldn’t constrict in happiness, then with pain, at every other thought.

She understood love, she understood how it works, why it is, and why humans long for it so much, but it was like the universe was asking ‘What do you know about love, young one?’ and wanted to teach her a lesson.

For god’s sake, she’d gone through composing songs and poetry in her notes app, whenever she had free time. All about this one person. 

Though she’d never let herself read it back, it was a small outlet for her feelings, and one that was never going to see the light of day.

If she didn’t know what love was at this point, she didn't think she’d ever know. Especially when it made a point to spring itself into every physical perception she could sense.

A month of evading and silence. Siyeon had kept it under wraps, by skillfully avoiding Minji and giving the worst excuses, that she somehow believed and didn’t question. Siyeon wasn’t even sure if the university offered an Astrology course. 

(But it did make sense, Siyeon would often spend late nights near the window by her bed staring out, looking for the moon to talk to. And she, at least used to, tell Minji the next morning exactly how many stars she’d counted in the sky. Not anymore.)

Every time she saw Minji’s face fall at yet another declined invitation, she wanted to hold her shoulders tight and scream it to her face, ‘I love you, god damn it.’ but it felt weird, even in her brain.

But no. She knew better. This was not the way they’d fall out of friendship. There was the heartbreak of losing a friend in a million different ways, but when this weakness was involved - Siyeon would rather break apart alone and then come back whole.

Therefore, she stuck to giving sorrowful apologies, wincing all over again when she lied about yet another assignment. 

(She really was sorry, but how can she do anything different?) 

Most of their interactions left Siyeon dizzy. 

A natural, gentle touch when Minji happened to brush past her, searching for something on her end of the room - or when Minji unknowingly laughed way too loud at some social media post, it simply set her heart on fire. 

The melodious cackle of a happy Minji was too much to handle for any human. Not to mention, her hands were impossibly soft. Did she bathe in moisturiser everyday or was she just that much of an angel?

Siyeon remembered that she’d promised herself to ‘switch-it-off’ if things got this far. Well, it did, and she didn’t seem like she was going to be able to stop anything at all. 

All was (not) fine, for the most part. The two roommates didn’t get a chance to talk much over another few weeks, barely missing each other in alternating sleep cycles. 

Siyeon woke up late for her classes, and had them perfectly lined up so that she’d never have to wake up at eight A.M again. 

Minji, was the opposite. Most of her classes ended by one P.M - but she did have to go out of campus a few times - being a year older - getting excused absences for the day.

They did however, manage to still show their care for one another. Minji made it a point to buy Siyeon her favourite coffee from that small, hidden shop they'd gone to in the first year. One of the many times they'd decided on out-of-campus bonding.

She left campus for field projects, and came back late - leaving it on her desk with a cute little drawing on a different colored post-it and a smiley face, everytime. 

Siyeon would come back, her hair wet from a shower, and find the coffee, and Minji face first on her bed absolutely exhausted after a whole day of travelling to-and-fro.

Minji also tried her best to change a bit of her own schedule after her classes, choosing to come back to the room quickly instead of spending time with her other friends, just to get a few more minutes spent with both of them awake at the same time.

She was trying so hard not to break down crying. All these things, Minji did, only because Siyeon was hurting her with her own rules. She wanted to get over it, but Minji wouldn't allow that.

The fact that Siyeon was even on her mind for more than a second, almost made her faint. Was anyone else this lucky with their crush? 

.  
.  
.

Distance was not working. 

The more she tried to remove the pieces of her heart glued to Minji - the more, either unknowingly or knowingly, Minji pulled her back. It was a cycle, and one that got debilitating quick. 

When Minji muttered to her later that this whole semester felt boring without her, Siyeon was sure she’d start sobbing on the spot in front of Minji.

“You know, I wish we could talk more.” 

Well, fuck. Now she can’t even bring herself to (even so slightly) hurt her, knowingly.

Maybe the best thing here, would be letting herself be selfish. It wasn’t a crime, to let herself feel what she was feeling. 

Like she’d tell the stars, and the moon, personifying it - because there really was no one else she wanted to turn to - only Minji - and she, of course, was ever-so-slightly out of reach.

Maybe she should learn to enjoy the hurt, like a masochist, and leave herself flooding with heartbreak at the end. Let herself love Minji, and then her stupid little heart would beg for mercy, after pretending to know better than logic. But logic hardly mattered in these situations. 

Well, there was always Bora, Yoohyeon, and their roommates she could turn to. But the moment she uttered these feelings to anyone else, it became something so real - so fucking real - that it would tear her out from the inside, and she realised, it was not something to burden her friends with. She also didn’t think she could handle it, if they told her to confess, and gave her cruel, unyielding hope. 

Siyeon stuck to the parts of her thoughts that still made sense. She wouldn’t say a word. Not until it was forced out of her throat by a magic spell. 

.  
.  
.

A few days later, Siyeon wanted to do something. Anything different, to spice up the sad, shitty life she’d gotten used to, for a little too long now. And so, she convinced Minji to help her shift stuff around the room - making way for a new package she definitely wasn’t allowed to keep in the dorms.

In the middle of moving things, they play-fought with their pillows until they were tired and collapsed next to each other on Minji’s bed, no longer having the oxygen to even breathe.

And then they were too close. She hadn’t realised until now, but it struck her suddenly - and Siyeon was scared that the girl beside her could hear how loud her heart was beating. How she’d suddenly gotten jittery. Well, she could give the excuse that she was completely out-of-shape and that’s why she was breathing so deep and gulping like she was about to die.

Minji reached out to hold her hand in the middle of it all, and now her heart was a bundle in her throat. She always interlaced it and placed it close to her - having to always have some small amount of contact. How cruel. She had to know how much sheer emotion swelled in Siyeon’s chest every time, right?

(Of course, her hands were clammy, but Minji didn’t seem to mind.)

If someone had told her she’d be spending her money to buy this girl a damn pink bathtub a year ago, she would have agreed. Even back then, it was love. Just a different kind - one that didn’t leave her in shambles every night.

The look on Minji’s face was priceless, honestly - if she could remember only one good memory in her life, it would be right now. Save for all the other memories that also included the same girl.

Minji titled her head adorably, “What do you mean it’s for me?”

“You’re gonna have to hide it, but it’s yours.”

Bewildered, her jaw agape, she just blankly stared at the girl in front of her.

Siyeon made sure to mentally snap a million pictures and save it under ‘why I’m never escaping this girl’ folder in her head. This was it, alright. The reason she did anything at all, these days.

“My birthday’s not for a while, though. What’s this for?”

“It’s just because I love you.” 

Siyeon blurted it out, oh-so-casually, without realising the impact it could bring. It should’ve been more special. She couldn’t believe she’d made that sentence with her own vocal cords.

She panicked for a second, before realising - they’d said it to each other before. I mean, this was Minji after all, and she didn’t shy from affectionate things. At least, this way, it was nicely packaged in encryption, and Minji didn’t know what kind of love, right?

It felt weird that Minji didn’t reply to that - Siyeon guessed it was just her trying to process suddenly owning a bathtub, after complaining that she couldn’t have relaxing showers because she didn't want to waste too much water.

Not to mention, it was kind of a hassle to really hide it - but no one would really say anything. Every single student had their own weird contrabands, and a bathtub was the least of anyone’s worries.

Especially not when Yoohyeon had managed to light Bora’s room on fire, last year, with her electric kettle after leaving it on too long and forgetting because apparently something else was more interesting for two hours.

It had short-circuited, the water condensed onto the power socket, and could have rendered the whole block without power (and on fire), if Yoohyeon hadn’t bravely smacked the switch off before screaming her head off, in fear, running for her life.

(Ah, instant ramen, the bane of everyone’s diet. But really, how did Yoohyeon even forget?)

She had run out of the room, leaving the door wide open, begging Yubin - her own roommate - to come with the fire extinguisher, from the other side of the hall. 

Han Dong, Bora’s other half, was not at all pleased with the black spot on the desk when she got back from her classes. But she did find it funny, since only Yoohyeon’s notes had fallen shit-out-of-luck, and nothing else was damaged. They ‘mended’ their relationship, even though there was no need, through the use of the same thing that got them into a fire in the first place. Food. The universal apology.

Siyeon had remembered the passing detail about Minji, in memory from their first year of knowing each other. She had remarked about Minji’s super-quick showers, whereas Siyeon would unquestionably spend at least an hour, enjoying a hot bath.

It wasn’t wasting time, no, on the contrary - it was time absolutely well spent. Especially because university was draining the life out of her, and the only thing that allowed her to keep her sanity back then, was the warmth in the silent night. 

“Look, you get me stuff all the time. Think of this as a thank you, for all the times you’ve saved me from passing the fuck out on my desk before something important.” 

And now, it was money well spent, since Minji had rebooted her brain and was back to normal with her glorious smile, nose-scrunching at the curse word. 

“Thank you. Seriously.”

This was something Siyeon could get used to. 

.  
.  
.

Money well spent, but then again, she should really think her purchases through. Now she was (kind of) broke for the rest of the week, and she really, really needed her coffee fix. Addiction was a bad thing - but coffee was helping with her understanding of these stupid subjects and Siyeon didn’t want to fix something that didn’t need fixing yet. 

(Then again, she was addicted to Minji - and she hadn’t fixed that either.)

Siyeon didn’t spend anything the whole week, which was absolutely fucked up, considering she could probably be the one person, single-handedly, giving all coffee shops in the campus any kind of business. 

Spending some time by herself, because there was nowhere she could go, even just to look at pretty things - it would only lead to her spending money she couldn’t spend, and yet again, Minji’s crestfallen face at yet another failed request. It hurt progressively more each time.

She learnt that not all love is fun. Sometimes all it does is break you into a small cocoon of tears, and under the weight of stupid human hormones, withdrawal from coffee, and the stress of studying, she didn’t know how she’d held it together this long.

Sure, at first, the prospect of feeling anything for anyone at all - was ‘thrilling’ like Minji would say. Now, it made its way into every part of Siyeon’s life, and while she didn’t regret spending her pocket money on Minji - and never would - right now, she would love to go buy herself some good comfort food.

But no, she spent the evening crying quietly, not allowing more than her hiccups to cover the silence in the room. 

Guilt, heartache and shame. What a horrible combination. 

Guilt because, well, this was Minji, her best friend, and here she lay crying about how brutal love could be when it was unexpected. But all love, in a way, was unexpected. You don’t look at someone and at first glance and know you’ll end up a year later, hopelessly bawling about being in love with them and the inherent pain it brings.

Shame, because, again, she didn’t think she should allow herself to feel this way. It had only gotten so far because she deluded herself into thinking there’d be a stop switch later on. 

There was not. 

Would Minji feel anything but discomfort, after coming to know the fact that Siyeon, her best friend, her roommate, and a million other things - was in love with her?

There was a small sliver of hope that clung onto the edge of Siyeon’s mind. Always, a small voice told her to be brave and confident, a habit from her old methods of getting ready for choir stages in middle school.

Of course, the one time she didn’t knock, Minji had to come back when she was still grossly in her feelings and spotted the girl quickly trying to wipe off the stray tears. While she could try to hide that, Siyeon couldn’t exactly hide the red eyes and dry, hoarse voice.

“Hey, look at this perfume I bou-" Minji abruptly stopped midway, worried after glancing at her, “woah - are you okay?”

Ah, the foolish irony of love. The one causing it, always the one to ask. 

Since there was no answer, Minji asked again, fully turning her body towards the bed and dropping the haul of bags near the foot of it, “Siyeonie?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.” Siyeon replied, trying to make her voice sound cool and strong.

It didn’t work. At all. 

“Listen, I’m going to go get you some water, and when I come back - you are going to tell me.”

At least Minji knew she needed a second to gather herself up, because they definitely had water bottles in the room.

Siyeon didn’t look convinced to talk. She would rather die, than have to come up with some concoction of a lie for this, as well. Not right after she just spent an hour crying, and then numb, and then crying again. And she was never, ever, going to tell her the truth, that was for sure.

Minji gave her a stern look that said ‘You’re not getting out of this’, and left the room.

She’d curse, but it wouldn’t do good. Ah, this conversation was not going to age well, and Siyeon was thinking of any of her less esteemed methods. A good idea would be to pretend she died from something between the time Minji had left and come back. 

She heard a knock a minute later, and almost asked why on Earth Minji was knocking now, when this was her own damn room, and only Siyeon was inside - but that’s how she was. Minji, always caring. It led her to this heartache, after all.

Siyeon didn’t say a word, owing it to herself to keep up the act. The girl kept the bottle of water near her desk, half opened, and realised quickly that Siyeon was really trying to pretend.

But Minji knew she was ticklish, and that didn’t go the intended way. When Siyeon refused to reply, the older girl sat next to her in bed and counted down from three, as a warning. 

The silence after was enough for Siyeon to prop open an eye and see what all the fuss was about. She should’ve known that’s what Minji was waiting for.

Immediately, she was attacked from both sides by fingers, and, oh it felt horrible, because she didn’t have the energy to laugh. The added myth that you weren’t supposed to laugh after you cry, or else you’d grow hair on your butt - was also another worry. Not like she actually believed it, though. 

“Alright, alright! Stop!” 

“That’s what you get for trying to be a smartass.” Minji smiled her gentle smile, and now Siyeon had to force herself to look away for a second, before she actually died. “Now tell me. What’s this about?” 

“I don’t want to.”

Minji waited a while, and Siyeon didn’t exactly know for how long - but they just stared into each other’s eyes, willing the other to break.

She resorted to making funny faces - making Siyeon’s heart constrict. Minji, god damnit - for the umpteenth time, stop being so adorable.

“Fine. You don’t have to tell me. But how do I help? It hurts me to see you like this,” she said, her voice injected with determination and honesty.

“It’s nothing,” she reiterated.

Minji rolled her eyes. Well, that was new. Normally, Minji dealt with her using patience and the strategy of coaxing it out slowly. Maybe she’d lost her tolerance for Siyeon. 

“Don’t give me that. Don’t lie, again. I’m tired of it,” she said, with more feeling in her voice that Siyeon had ever heard before.

  


Ouch. So, Minji wasn’t as dumb as she’d hoped, and had noticed her behaviour. They were white lies, meant to protect their friendship, but Siyeon knew it wouldn’t seem like that from her perspective.

She opened her mouth, to begin some form of apology, but she didn’t want to further deepen her grave.

“I want to help you. Please let me.”

Again, those horrible eyes she’d grown to love. Begging her with the helpless gaze,. That horribly beautiful face that haunted her, and she wanted nothing more than to see happiness on it. Not this, this disappointment she was looking at her with. 

Siyeon crawled further into her bed, turned against the wall and away from Minji. She couldn’t bear looking at her anymore. It hurt, everything hurt and it wasn’t going away no matter what she did. There were no words that explained anything she felt quite enough, and she didn’t want to confuse Minji even more.

(And now she knew, she took on more than she thought she could handle.)

Minji was in her own dilemma. She had experience, being the oldest mostly - with taking care of people. It came second nature to her, and with it being Siyeon this time, she was well equipped, having known her for a year now.

But this was, so, so difficult. Siyeon didn’t trust her enough to tell her anything anymore, and it all began a few weeks ago, when she noticed Siyeon making any, and every, excuse from the book - to do anything but spend time with her.

It felt like her heart was being trampled on.

However, Minji knew Siyeon had to have a reason. For crying out loud, the girl suddenly bought her a pink bathtub last week and she still didn’t fully understand why. 

For now though, she wanted Siyeon to be the one talking. Was this the course of action she should be taking, or should she give her space?

“I don’t understand what you need, Siyeon. You’ve avoided me enough. ”

Double ouch. Did she just say ‘Siyeon’ instead of a nickname? Why did this feel like a scolding? And the avoiding was for their own good. But she didn’t say that aloud. Quiet, still, hoping Minji would let this go.

“Should I leave? Will that make you feel better?” Minji sighed, still no response. “Say something, please.”

Her heart stung at the brittle nature of Minji’s voice. 

“I- I don’t know.” Siyeon said quickly, she didn’t want her to leave. As all things are strange, she still wanted Minji to stay beside her. There wasn’t anything reasonable in her head, anymore. “Can you...stay?”

Another sigh. But at least, she was talking.

She lied down next to Siyeon, making sure to take up the least amount of space. Her forearm near the elbow, rested over her eyes and she took a deep breath, the fun she'd had in the last few hours forgotten.

Siyeon slowly turned away from the wall and back to her, wanting to say something. Anything. It was one thing to know Minji was hurting, and a completely worse one altogether knowing she was the one causing it. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

“Minji…” she started, “I’m sorry.” 

She didn’t move an inch. Nor did she even give a sign that she was listening. Damn, she was really upset, this time.

Or so Siyeon thought. Minji was afraid that if she made any sudden moves, Siyeon would retreat away from her, like a troubled pet. 

“I’m sorry I hurt you. That’s not what I wanted to do, at all.” 

She had to know, now. Would Siyeon even tell her?

“Why?” she asked and then finished the question, “Why are you avoiding me?” 

Triple ouch. Siyeon didn’t want this conversation to go on for another second. But she had to explain at least a bit, without divulging anything real.

“Was it something I did? Oh my god, did I forget to-”

“What? No, Minji. This…isn’t your fault. I’m just dealing with things and didn’t want to involve you,” she took a breath in between, “and you have enough on your mind already.” 

Siyeon gulped, and felt the anxiety creep up on her. It spread goosebumps to the back of her neck and like a demon, waited for her to make any mistakes. She had to stop talking soon or she would blabber something she shouldn’t.

This is why avoiding Minji slightly was easier.

“Fine. I won't ask, but please take care of yourself.”

She didn’t say anything after that. Thankfully. But they did fall asleep on the same bed that night, forgetting that they were humans and that having dinner was probably a good habit that they needed to keep. 

.  
.  
.

Later that week, Siyeon told Yoohyeon. The most openly ‘open-minded’ of them all, so there was no real fear of bigotry. Not that she was even scared that the others weren't, it just felt like the proper first step. 

Also, Yoohyeon had already told her about her once-upon-a-time crush on the same girl. Funny how that works. It was long forgotten, but she also had meant it as a friend-crush. 

"I think I like Minji."

“What? Seriously?” Yoohyeon yelled, loud enough to be heard outside the room.

“Keep quiet about it, or I’ll kill you.” she threatened. “With balloons.”

Oh, that was enough. Yoohyeon hated balloons, because they popped for no reason and then her entire body would become stiff in fright, ears in pain. She’d much rather go through Bora yelling at her for setting her room on fire again, than anything relating to these loud, sudden, sounds. 

“I think it would be cute.” Yoohyeon said, just as Bora walked in because Yoohyeon’s loud yell was also an invitation. 

“What would be? Me?” 

“No. You suck.”

And then Yoohyeon whined to her, about how Bora had stolen her phone last night, and only gave it to her after her classes, dropping half her body weight (including her face) onto Siyeon’s right arm, hiding behind her.

Apparently, she needed to focus more and Bora was the personification of self-control, keeping an eye on how Yoohyeon was playing more Fall Guys than doing assignments. 

“Minji would never. That’s why she’s the better one among you two,” as soon Yoohyeon ended that statement, it became physical and with that, they left running after one another. 

She never really remembered how Yoohyeon and Bora had become so close. But also, her and Minji were like that too, just calmer.

Now, she was left alone in Yoohyeon’s room and she wondered - exactly what was telling someone supposed to make her feel? A little lighter, sure, but secrets were never good news. Between her and Bora, she was sure Yoohyeon would spill - within the week - and without even noticing.

.  
.  
.

“Hey, I’m sorry I ran away,” Yoohyeon held onto her tight, “I didn’t want Bora to find out, if you weren’t okay with it," she brought the topic back, all of a sudden.

Smart. She actually thought of that, and actually managed not to unknowingly spill the beans.

“No, it’s fine. I don’t have much else to say, anyway. I just had to get it off my chest.” 

The girl was sitting next to her - in one of the fast food restaurants because there were barely any healthy alternatives that were this cheap and close - stealing a few of her french fries. Only because Yoohyeon was cute, and only because it was Yoohyeon, she didn’t swat her hands away.

Also because she was glad to have someone who knew the worst thing about her right now, and still managed to spend time with her.

Ironically, there was a gym on the second floor of the same building, one that a certain older girl loved going to.

“What are you going to do,” she asked, turning to her, chewing on the fries which obstructed clear syllables, “about Minji?”

She looked at Yoohyeon, who had her cheeks puffed up with fried potato, “Nothing. There’s nothing to do.” 

She laughed at her. Laughed. Like this wasn’t serious at all. 

Siyeon gave her a ‘really?’ look. 

“No, I just,” she let out a small laugh, “you’re not serious, right?”

She was just staring at the girl next to her. There really wasn’t anything she could do, that didn’t end up hurting even more. She had made her bed in the spikes in her heart, and had to lie in it. Making any movement would drive the spikes through more vital organs, figuratively.

“You can always...tell her?” Yoohyeon suggested, looking apprehensive. “I don’t think she’s going to kill you.” 

Telling her that it was never going to happen - Siyeon spilled about the scene after Minji had come back last week - and the absolute mess it was, the mess she was at even the thought of it.

She didn’t expect Yoohyeon to let out a shrill scream at the thought of the two sharing a bed though. It wasn’t that much of a new idea. But Yoohyeon liked it. Weirdo. 

“You have to tell her! This could be a Disney film, imagine you as Flynn and M-”, Siyeon glared at her, putting a tissue on her mouth - because Yubin apparently also had the idea of eating here, and had made her way over to their table and Yoohyeon hadn’t noticed.

“Why are you sitting next to each other in a booth? The whole point is to sit across,” she told while sitting on the other side, but didn’t really care. 

Siyeon didn’t feel like advertising her ‘little crush’ to the whole world yet. 

Clearing her throat awkwardly, she didn’t reply. They didn’t have a reason. 

Yubin had started some topic about one of her faculties getting fired and replaced, and Siyeon was so glad she didn’t hear (or ask, if she did) the talk about Minji. 

She couldn’t possibly explain it all over again. 

.  
.  
.

“Have you ever thought about love?” 

That was not a question she was expecting to be asked - not by Minji, not at three in the afternoon on a Sunday while the dull sun shone through their window curtains. 

“Wh-” she turned to her so quickly, that her neck muscle hurt from the sudden change in inertia - “What kind of a question is that?” 

Her mind went to a million things in a second - mostly just wondering what event spurred this on.

“Just asking,” she tried to casually say, but Minji’s throat got hoarse in the middle and set them into harmonious laughter.

They settled down after giggling, but tension set in soon after.

Siyeon, having the burst of confidence that Minji would never find out, wanted to have fun with this question. She could prod her for some answers anyway, and whether that would end up in jealousy or happiness was something she had to know.

“Of course I have,” she divulged, “What about you?”

“Same.” Minji also revealed - giggling shyly again. “Who?”

“You tell me first.” 

“No way! I asked before you did.”

"That's ridiculous, and not a real reason." She made a face at Minji, scrunching in defiance. “No.” 

“Fine. I won’t tell you either.”

They acted like they were little kids, dancing around the topic, when both of them really wanted to know each other’s answer, but neither would give in.

She let it go, but dreaded getting into a situation where Minji would actually force it out of her.

A few hours later, Minji noticed they were both taking a break from watching their respective TV shows, and revisited the topic. She was really dead set on this, huh?

“What do you think love is?” 

The world was testing her, right? This was some cruel joke. Talking about love like it was something distant, not vigorously ruining her life. 

“Uh, I don’t know.” She wanted to spill. She wanted to tell her everything. Truly, but in the end, if she tripped over her words and said the wrong thing - this would all sour quickly. 

“When you’re laughing in a group of people and you turn to the one person, to make sure they’re laughing too,” she hesitated, trying to remember all those nicely worded posts she’d read over the weeks, desperately hoping someone else could put it into words for her.

“Or,” she continued, “when something is inconvenient but you do it anyway because it makes them happy, even for a second.” 

Minji blinked twice, thrice, looking at her while sitting cross legged on her bed. “What else?"

"What else?" Siyeon hummed thoughtfully, "It helps if you think they're hot."

She made a face - expecting something romantic, not this. "God, Siyeon."

“You asked. I’m also just recycling poems.” Siyeon shrugged, “Why? What’s it to you?”

She shook her head, “I don’t know. I wanted some advice, but that kind of helped.” 

“What for? Experiencing the struggles of love?” Siyeon wiggled her eyebrows, half-joking. What was this really about? Or, who was this about?

Minji smiled, turning away.

“It’s nothing,” she glanced at her momentarily, as if it was revenge for Siyeon being closed-off too, all those days ago.

“Wow. That’s rude. You can’t just leave me wondering.”

Minji didn't reply.

She was just sitting, brain empty, staring in front of her at the shelf. 

At the sight, Siyeon laughed to herself quietly, pressing play on the next episode. She would have to find out some other day.

.  
.  
.

Han Dong knows. 

Siyeon knows that Han Dong knows. Because she kept trying to casually get it out of her, every time they got a chance to talk, absolutely failing at being inconspicuous. 

"Are you dating anyone?"

To anyone else - that sounded like flirting. And they did, sometimes, but that was all for fun. That's how Han Dong was. Straightforward, flirty and blunt. It was part of the reason they got along so well.

"Minji looked good today. She's been going to the gym hasn't she?"

Okay, maybe Han Dong also had a thing for Minji. Either that, or she was being too obvious and the girl had caught on. 

"Okay, what's your point? You keep talking about her, every other second."

Han Dong was quiet. Siyeon could be blunt, too. And she loved her confrontations, when it didn't involve Minji.

"...Yoohyeon kind of told me."

She decides Yoohyeon is going to die. Thrown into a pit full of snakes, oh wait, she was one. Balloons it is. 

"Of course she did."

Siyeon didn't mind her knowing. She knew the consequences of telling people - and especially only one person and forcing them also to keep the secret. She really wondered how Yoohyeon had even managed to keep it up for so long, she expected her to last less than a week.

And so, here she was, for the second time in two weeks - telling someone about the girl, having to stop herself from smiling by biting the inside of her cheek, at finally being able to say it out loud. It was cathartic, and she finally admitted all the thoughts about how selfish she was being.

She didn’t stop there, Siyeon went on to say exactly what Yoohyeon had advised her to do, as well. 

“I think I agree with Yoohyeon. You’ve hurt enough, Siyeon. I would’ve told her already, if it was me in your shoes.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? I’ve hurt enough? What if I tell her and…” Siyeon didn’t even want to finish that thought, but she did, to show the depth of her fear, “and she hates me? I don’t think I could live with that, Han Dong.”

“What if I told you she won’t? Then would you tell her?”

“No.” she said, honestly. “I wouldn’t believe you.”

But what Siyeon did mind is that both of them thought it was a great idea to confess. Did they not realise who they were talking about? 

“I’m only going to tell you this once, Siyeon. You’re not doing anyone a favour by sitting here in pain. You’re hurting her, you’re hurting you and you know what? It hurts me too, seeing you like this.”

Well, she had it coming. At least a scolding could possibly jumble her head enough to attempt something this crazy.

“I think you should stop thinking of it as selfish. Since when was it selfish to love someone? Who told you that?”

“Well… isn’t it? Isn’t all love selfish?”

Han Dong didn’t have an answer. Siyeon seemed to be refuting anything she said, and it was going into one ear - out the other. She still tried. Maybe she could tell Siyeon twice, or thrice, or how many ever times it took, for her to realise how unreasonable she was being.

“Then what are you going to do? Sit here and hope it goes away?”

Exactly. That was her plan. 

“What’s wrong with that?”

Han Dong wanted to smack some sense into her - but that was frowned upon in society, so she resorted to flick a finger on her forehead, forcefully. “Are you serious? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Ow.” she pouted. 

“If you don’t tell her, Yoohyeon will blabber it in the middle of us all. You don’t want that to happen do you?”

Oh. Right. That was...completely possible. She’d definitely rather not go through that. This was personal.

They argued for a bit longer, and Siyeon finally moved a bit closer to actually confessing. Han Dong really worked wonders.

.  
.  
.

On the other side - Bora knew Minji.

And she knew Minji was definitely being weird. 

"What's wrong with you all of a sudden?" Bora prodded for answers while they walked to the block of buildings which hosted their classes.

Hypocritical. That's the word Minji would use to describe herself. She didn't want to talk about it and tried to avoid the topic - but this was Bora and she was only Minji. She also was not as skilled as Siyeon at making up excuses.

They walked up the stairs, to the fourth floor - Bora not allowing her to slip into the elevator to prevent having this conversation, pulling her back just before they had time to reach, and the doors closed. 

No one else took the stairs. Ever. It was stupidly built, and only made you dizzy - spending all the energy which should be reserved for learning, instead.

"You look like you're going through the pain of child-birth everytime I leave you alone for more than a minute."

"I do not! It's called thinking, and you wouldn't know because you don't have a brain."

Bora kicked her lightly from behind, "Say that and I won't care about you ever again."

"I'm joking," Minji pulled her, trying to get up the hellish spiral staircase - cackling, but also panting for breath.

They breathed in deeply, reaching the top - trying to gather up a bunch of oxygen after messing around, with Bora dragging one side of her - using all her weight trying to slow her down.

"This is all your fault. Why did we take the stairs?"

The two stood on the fourth floor, but it was the wrong side of the building - whoever thought of that, needed to get hit in the face by a brick, Bora thought. They still had to walk a little, wrapping around the horribly designed structure. 

Everyone else was rational, and had the common sense to wait for the elevator, no matter how packed it got and how long it took for it to return to the ground floor.

“Doesn’t it feel like someone’s going to run at us with a knife and chase us down the hall?” Bora wasn’t helping. “Or kind of like, the place someone would bring you to, to confess?”

It was so quiet, that they could hear their steps echo as they walked on the marble floor.

“Okay - spill.”

“What? I don’t know what you mean.” Minji defended, weakly, “I’m just tired nowadays.” 

“That’s what happens when you’re older than dinosaurs,” Bora teased, even though they were the same age and barely differed by a few months. 

“Weren’t you the one panting because she had to walk up a few flights of stairs?” 

“Not all of us spend our free time in the gym - just to run on a treadmill,” Bora smacked her, with Minji pretending like it really hurt, “some of us do actual cool stuff, you know?”

Minji tried to criticise that statement, she _was_ cool. “Hey!”

  


Bora waited a second - pausing, before turning the conversation back to what Minji was trying so desperately to avoid.

  


“It’s just me, Minji. You don’t have to pretend like you’re some strong saint. I’m here for you, you know?”

“I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” Minji said, bewildered. 

Bora was good at many things. Mostly, she made Minji feel like there was nothing to worry about. Even if she teased her about every single choice she made, it was only to fill the air with words and laughter instead of silence. 

Minji couldn’t always trust herself to keep up the mood - and she relied heavily on Bora for that, choosing to be the faithful sidekick who went along with everything, because the girl really did think of the most unconventional things. 

“That’s not true. I compliment you all the time! Remember when I told you that hairstyle suited you, a few months ago?”

She just proved her point. Well, it wasn’t like they didn’t show they cared for each other - Bora could be seen clinging on to just about everyone, including her. It spent less time being put into words though.

They were the kind of friends where one was always jumpy and physical, and the other, chose to put up with it - joining in most of the time and copying her.

It was awkward when they complimented each other. Sure, there were remarks in passing, but the moment either of them got all sappy - the other would think they’d have to go to a doctor and get diagnosed with something.

That didn’t stop them from being fake with it. Plenty of that to go around, especially when all of their friends thought it was the cringiest thing they’d layed eyes on.

“I’ll tell you later.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

.  
.  
.

Confiding in Bora was easier than she’d imagined. She half expected Bora to laugh in her face, saying that it was ridiculous, and give her that old clown costume she wore last year to scare all of her friends. 

“I feel like Siyeon’s avoiding me.”

Bora didn’t think that’s what this was about. She was thinking more along the lines of ‘my pet dog is growing up and I can’t be there to watch.’ 

“What?” 

Explaining this, took a while. All the little jabs against her heart built up and she found it hard to even talk about it, and of course, it never feels good to be evaded by your friend for no apparent reason. But Bora couldn’t fathom that being all of it. 

“Really? Siyeon says ‘no’ a couple of times, and you start crying like a child?”

She kept quiet after that, not meaning it to be that harsh.

“Sorry. That came out wrong,” she huffed, “Is that...all it is?” Bora put a hand on her shoulder, pulling her into a side hug.

Bora didn’t want to seem insensitive, she was trusting her with this, after all.

Minji didn’t want to continue. There was an explanation, one that really hit the nail on everything - but it was ridiculous. Absolutely, positively ridiculous.

“Minji?”

She felt helpless, and probably looked pitiful too.

“I don’t know, Bora. I don’t know. Nothing makes sense anymore, and all I know is that it hurts,” she said, doubting her own feelings.

She hoped someone would slap her in the face with an answer, and soon.

Bora didn’t know what to say. She’d learnt that people had to realise their own feelings. More often than not, humans were angry when told blatantly about what they felt, even if it was true - and rather spend days disproving it, than coming to acceptance.

She had an idea about what it was. With the way Minji’s entire mood collapsed with just this, it was impossible not to discern what the truth was. But the question was, did Minji know, and was avoiding it, or was she actually totally clueless?

“We’ll figure it out.”

.  
.  
.

When Siyeon clung to her during the ‘horror-movie-marathon’ Bora had planned, it hit her like a ton of bricks.

They were both scared, sure, but it felt nice and like she was being protected, sharing a blanket, and interlocking their hands. For the reason that they were scared. Only because they were scared.

The university gave them an extra day off for an important, historical event, and the students never passed over an opportunity to have fun. The first few hours of the day were spent lazily waking up, eating late without a care in their minds.

Bora’s idea of fun was apparently making her friends scream in terror, while she laughed melodiously at the scene of blood and gore - or more so at her friends. She wasn’t actually crazy, was she?

The first few movies had been romantic comedies, and ones she’d watched before. The group quickly realised that it had gotten late, and thought, ‘why not give ourselves nightmares and watch ghost movies in the middle of the night?’

It was never a bad idea to watch good, thrilling and bone-chilling works that left you wondering if the ‘based on a true story’ disclaimer was real or not.

No, in fact, she’d thank Bora in her thoughts, because now she had an excuse to look away from the screen, and at Siyeon, pretending she was afraid when in reality - she didn’t even remember what the movie was about. 

Halfway through, she’d leant back, further than anyone else, free to stare without worry.

She was almost too fixated on how Siyeon was fake mad, puffing out her cheeks, complaining and murmuring that this movie was too scary, and she’d rather watch the zombie movie that they had vetoed instead - because Yubin really, really hated zombies, and everyone would rather her be comfortable, and themselves screaming. 

Then, Siyeon got closer to her, and rested her head on Minji’s shoulder for comfort. Out of the other five sitting there, she chose Minji, and with the way that made her feel - it kind of ruined all her other absurd theories.

How did she ever think this was only about Siyeon avoiding her? 

All those conversations with Bora made sense now. Well, Minji wasn’t oblivious and she had thought about it. But she didn’t want it to be true, either. 

In the middle of her blatant staring - which had gotten harder to do, now that Siyeon was practically next to her - Bora had noticed and smacked her knee, breaking the trance and snickered at her. Rude.

And worst of all, Siyeon had felt her stare too, glancing right before Bora (now, thankfully) interrupted.

Minji smiled awkwardly, but it just looked like she was in physical pain. And technically, she was.

Siyeon didn’t smile back fully - it looked like she wasn't really in the present. Minji didn't know how to help, but she did want to say something. So she would, she decided, after this ended.

When they’d all left, Yoohyeon was seen clinging onto Yubin for dear life, because even the dorm’s hallways looked scary now, like the lights would start to flicker only once the room’s door closed.

Bora was dragging a half-asleep Han Dong, with utmost care, back to their room,trying not to let her bump into anything on the way. 

Gahyeon was terrified too, and waited for Han Dong to make her way out while she stuck to the most bright parts of the hallway, Bora stuck in the middle of one coward, and another coward that was drowsy.

“See you guys, sleep well.” Bora said, as if any of them were going to get a wink of rest that night, after the horrible sequence of torturous movies she’d forced them to watch.

Bora left, stopping for a millisecond to glance back at Minji, and their eyes met - exchanging a whole conversation in that instant. 

‘Tell her or I will’, it probably meant.

Great. Now Minji was shy and her face was slowly turning red, a small embarrassed smile along with it. Where the hell should she begin? So many questions. Not enough answers in the world.

“Are you going to sleep?” she asked Minji, her hands nervously picking at each other.

She didn’t want to. Actually, she wouldn’t mind another movie, if Siyeon stayed close to her throughout it. But there was no real way to say that, was there? Plus, she had some other things to say, and there was no way to start that, either.

“I guess so. I have nothing else to do.”

Everything was better if the younger girl was around. She hadn’t realised it until now, but life was just so much more enjoyable, with her by her side. 

“Minji? Can we talk?” 

Minji didn’t have too many times where she felt so apprehensive. She tried to take leaps whenever she could. This, was one of the times it was difficult.

Siyeon waited for a second, tended to the messy bed sheet, and then turned again to her, waiting. 

“You wanna..?” Minji trailed off, eyeing the spot next to her on the bed. They had to talk. Now. And she would rather do it sitting down. 

She saw Siyeon visibly hesitate when she got closer, and she felt horrible. 

Maybe that was just her own heart constricting at the infamous ‘we have to talk’ scenario; she didn’t think it was possible for her emotions to physically make her throat close up so forcefully.

Siyeon did end up sitting down beside her, after a lot of thought. Minji didn’t know what there was to think about, but she was absolutely terrified to ask. Had they already lost all hope? Was this her finally saying, ‘I’ve had enough and I want out.'?

  


She no longer wanted to know. Please let this end well, she hoped. 

Before Minji could begin anything, Siyeon was all the more impatient and got her word in. She had an inkling about what the topic was.

“I need to tell you something, Minji. And I…” Siyeon began, her voice slowly drawing to a whisper, “I want you to listen until I’m done.”

.  
.  
.

“And… somewhere along all that, I…” she paused, unable to go on, but did so anyway - like the other fifteen times she’d thought of absolutely shutting up in the middle of this monologue. “It just hurt so much, that I couldn’t even look at you, without feeling guilty.”

She tried to end it without saying the three words that were begging to be said, staying in the back of her mind and inching closer, “That’s why I’ve been avoiding you, for a while now.”

Spontaneous, because suddenly for the last hour, she'd felt like she could conquer the world and invincible because her friends assured her so, before they'd begun watching movies. And then, Minji was looking at her - and all her problems, that would come after, felt small. Telling her the truth, would come first. 

  


She just confessed to months worth of trauma and whatnot. She regretted it, now that it was over with, and all the adrenaline that forced her to open her mouth in the first place, had left her body.

  


Siyeon was sure she’d absolutely fucking lost her mind, there was no other reason she suddenly gathered up courage to say what she just said. Else, she had to have been injected with some truth serum, or something. 

Minji was kind like she always was, and really did keep quiet for the entirety of her little speech. 

But Minji was cruel like she’d recently been, and didn’t say anything after it either.

Had she fallen asleep? Did she literally bore her to death?

Suddenly, she was the one begging Minji to talk. She wanted to open up her brain and know exactly what was going through her head.

“Please say something.”

She heard a sniffle, and suddenly Minji’s hands were on her cheeks, forcing them to lock eyes. Oh, what fresh hell was this?

She didn’t say anything, and it felt like years before the girl in front actually opened her mouth ever so slightly to break the silence, and their eye contact - choosing to close her eyes tight and her hands moving down to Siyeon's shoulders. 

Thank God she did, because Siyeon would’ve actually melted into a human puddle if she had to look right at her, after saying all that, for a second longer.

“I wish I’d noticed before. I had no idea what you were going through, at all.” Minji chuckled darkly, “I don’t think I would’ve ever known the reason, if you didn’t tell me.”

Minji was wrecked, not only because someone she cared about was going through this, but it was because she didn't want to tell Minji - and that was the reason this had even got so far into anguish. 

  


Siyeon felt bad. She didn’t say it, to make Minji feel like she had done something wrong. 

A few days of fighting with Han Dong, and with Yoohyeon on her side as well, it got annoying. Annoying enough to force her into this uncomfortable situation. She just wanted to get this over with. 

(That was a lie. She was glad to have someone to push her to do something she should’ve done, many, many heartaches ago.)

“I’m sorry. For not noticing. For...letting you go through this." she said riddled with agony, and Siyeon’s heart wrung itself, twisting like it wanted to hide, somehow further into her ribs. 

“This isn’t your fault. I had my own reasons.”

They were quiet, only the sound of her own harsh breathing, and Siyeon, oh, she wasn’t doing too well. It was all out there, now and there was no going back.

She almost wanted to go upto Han Dong and ask ‘are you happy now?’ but that would have to wait.

“I meant that I should’ve told you first, but you kind of beat me to it just then. ” Minji said. “God, I love you.”

Wait, what? Her voice was so quiet, she wasn’t sure she heard her correctly.

“Wh-”, she stuttered, “You said what now?”

“I love you,” she repeated, a little louder, somehow still scared - even though the girl in front of her had all her secrets out, displayed and astray, because she could no longer hurt Minji. 

Siyeon stared blankly, at a loss for words. What was she saying that for, when she had just told Minji that there was nothing she had done? She was glad to hear it though. The fear that they would fall apart because of this, leaving her body with each second that passed. 

Oh, so that’s what love felt like, when someone you loved said it to you. Siyeon finally understood that everything up until now was barely the prequel, and only now, the actual story had begun - and the universe sat back, smirking as it played the final move.

  


Han Dong was right after all. Minji didn’t hate her for it, not in the slightest, no, she was actually apologizing and still saying words she didn't ever think she'd hear. She would have to admit her loss on this one, but Siyeon didn’t think she’d care about anything else ever again.

“I...love you too?” Her voice lifted in the end, she was absolutely confused, expecting awkwardness and silence, not this.

“Is that a question? Are you asking me?” Minji teased. 

“I just confessed to you. I think I should be exempt from saying it.” 

“But I wanted to hear you say it,” Minji remarked sadly, and Siyeon decided she’d never refuse anything Minji asked for again.

She said it about five times rapidly, before Minji told her to stop ruining the moment.

“Why are you like this?” she chuckled, getting impossibly closer. A hug? This woman had some unbounded confidence. How was she even able to process all this, and still move?

She put her hand out to wipe off a single tear off Minji's face that had reached her chin, using her thumb - and it took all her strength not to break down, right then and there. 

"Can I kiss you?"

  


Siyeon's face flushed, automatically - the words going through her mind, but not registering what it actually meant, yet. Minji only leaned in a little, waiting for her to close the gap. 

Wait. She had meant it in that way? Like, it was genuinely mutual, and not just a 'I feel bad for you so I'm gonna say I love you'? 

  


Siyeon didn't get more than a second to think - she didn't even notice herself nodding, ever so slightly, focused completely on Minji's own lips in front of her and subconsciously moving closer, her hand moving of its own accord from Minji's cheek - ending up softly rested on the side of her neck.

  


It was quicker than wished - a pair of lips softly captured hers, brushing ever so slightly, even though they'd gone through too much for this, and Siyeon was light-headed now. What the fuck just happened?

  


Her hand didn't leave Minji, though, still trying to make sure she's actually real and whatever went on - wasn't a dream.

A few seconds ago, both of them were close to tearing up. What was this sudden one-eighty turn they just did? 

  


There was complete happiness, and then there was this, above. She didn't know how she'd waited so long. But it still didn't make sense to her, right now. She would need ten business days to completely process, what had just happened.

  


Of course, Minji only giggled like it was nothing, crinkling an eye smile, and so close to her at that - this sight of her was not for the faint-hearted. What Siyeon didn’t know - was that Minji was closer to having a heart attack than anyone else in the room.

It was dark outside, but both their faces were lit by the small night-light, completely red and embarrassed but it was welcome - and they laughed together like it was ridiculous. It _was_ ridiculous. What was all that suffering for, then?

They couldn't stop talking, and then giggling, and then getting closer again - it was so stupid, so crazy that all of this had taken months, and they would have to air it all out. 

  


For tonight, though, they went to sleep, absolutely tethered together like the other would vanish, once morning came. 

  


There was nothing, Siyeon thought - to herself, that she had done to deserve this. Maybe she should cure some distinct sufferings like World Hunger, to be worthy. 

Siyeon made sure to thank the stars, later that week, hoping it was enough of an apology for being so arrogant about love.

.  
.  
.

They waited a few days to tell their friends. Bora kept prodding annoyingly using her loud voice and weird tones, to her advantage - but Minji had her defence up high, offering nothing but a meager shrug at every attempt. Even when she tried to beat her up for it.

Siyeon, however, couldn’t wait. 

“Can we tell them? Han Dong will kill me if she isn’t the first to know.” Siyeon pleaded, “Please? It’s making me too nervous.”

They stood alone in their room, and Siyeon was only a few centimetres away, but still managed to somehow always have a hand somewhere on Minji.

  


“But it’s fun. You should’ve seen how mad Bora was, when I didn’t say a word.” She chuckled.

Siyeon always gave in, “Fine. Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow.” She smiled like an angel doing mischief, and Siyeon just had to remind herself they were together, stepping even closer on her tiptoes - she was definitely tall enough just to angle her face, but Minji had told her it was cute when she did.

Call it comedic timing, but as they leaned in for a short kiss, Yoohyeon walked into their room, her laptop tucked in between her hands in front, and a snack between her teeth.

“What the hell did I just walk into?” she blurted out.

The snack fell to the ground with a pathetic thud. Thank god it wasn’t her laptop. She had only wanted to work on the project.

She blinked in front of them, all three frozen in shock - and Yoohyeon, more embarrassed than she should be, tried to cover her eyes after, using her laptop - saying 'I didn't actually see anything, bye' like that would've worked on anyone at all.

  


And so, they had to tell them all, Yoohyeon would beg - because she had barely managed to tell only one person with Siyeon’s secret, and with her being this enthusiastic, she wouldn’t last one hour. 

.  
.  
.

“That's amazing.” 

“I knew it!” Gahyeon yelled, and the two were glad to see them all so invested in this.

“Finally.”

All different versions of her friends gearing up for her happiness, pretending they’d known all along.

Bora came up to them and looked like she was trying hard not to smack them both - but gave them a huge hug.

“I’m happy for you guys. It only took you months.” 

And then she shifted to tell everybody Minji’s business like she hadn’t trusted her solely with all that pining.

“And she was completely crushed, I shit you not. I swear she would’ve cried for days if you’d rejected her even one more time,” Bora loved telling stories.

Apparently, Han Dong and Bora had also known of each other's secrets. Earlier, Han Dong had asked why she looked like she was trying to do rocket-science, all while watching some cartoon - and it came out in hushed whispers - both of them trying to cover it up, like they didn't have the missing piece of each other's puzzle. 

  


It didn't last long. They soon let those apprehensions go, quietly sharing secrets, and by the end of it - staged a bet. Out of love, because they didn't want their friends to miss the opportunity when presented in front of them. 

  


For this reason, Han Dong wasn't mad at all when she found out Yoohyeon found out before her. She pretended - sure - but once it got out into the world that she'd won the bet, she had to apologise for having ulterior motives. 

  


Siyeon just thanked her for the kick, it was what she had needed - a good, long scolding about why she was being unreasonable. They all shared a laugh at the misery that clouded their previous weeks. 

  


Ah, all’s well that ends well. As long as they found it funny, it didn’t matter at all. As long as Minji was waiting on the other side, like she'd hoped.

Siyeon’s heart was beating loudly again, wondering how much they could’ve saved if they’d just had the courage to say it earlier. 

  


This time, her heart didn’t hurt like it had for so long.

  


  


No, this time, it swelled with pride and love, not only for Minji, but for all of them. The world worked mysteriously, but she felt like she'd beat it somehow with the odds stacked against her. It had a way of giving itself in the worst times, a trap to make sure you didn't get greedy, and then in the right ones when you least expected it, as a present for not wilting in pain. 

  


  


Thankfully, it also gave her Minji. 

**fin**

**Author's Note:**

> a literal fever dream. what the fuck did i just write. i didn't even re read it more than once, so there may be errors and a few plotholes bc i went back to change things and didn't change others. my bad.


End file.
